It doesn’t matter how you got to be single in your mid-thirties. What does matter, however, is
that you have certain priorities in order so that you can protect yourself
and those you date from getting hurt. There are too many reasons to list on
why you’re on the market at this stage in your life, but you should be clear
on your goals, both long and short-term. You don’t want to be led on or
trapped into something you didn’t want in the first place.
The very first things
you need to consider are your short and long-term relationship goals. If
you are a confirmed bachelor (or bachlorette) you definitely don’t want to
be dating someone who is determined to settle down and start a family. Age
is often tied to this as well. A twenty-something may be looking for a good
time or to tie the knot. While a boy toy or trophy can be fun in the
short-term, if you are looking for a serious relationship you may want to
There are a lot of
things to consider when dating either above or below your age bracket. If
you fall for someone who is a lot younger, you may get hurt because they can
lack maturity that comes only from life experience. Twenty-somethings are
often still trying to figure out where they fit in, and are still forming
their goals. Another problem is children; they may or may not want them.
If you get really serious, as in any age bracket, you need to discuss each
other’s views on children.
On the other hand, if
you date someone much older than you there are some problems to be aware of
as well. Older people tend to have already decided what they want out of
life, and generally are not too excited to change course. If you really
want to settle down, don’t go chasing after the man or woman who has no
intention of a long-term relationship. Also, there are certain generation
gaps that have to be considered. Your older lover may not appreciate going
to see your favorite rock group in concert. With consideration and
understanding, however, many obstacles of dating older and younger people
can be overcome.
Another thing to
consider is your financial position. Have you dedicated the last ten years
to getting ahead in your career and the rewards that come with that? Are
you willing to give up half of your money in a divorce? You will have to
decide what is important depending on the person you are dating. Even
people who aren’t married have had their lover run off with the bank
account. Protect yourself, and if necessary, seek the advice of an attorney
before you propose or accept a proposal.
Finally, if you have
children you need to consider the type of people that are entering your
life. Do you want to bring any and all of your dates to meet them, or are
you going to wait for someone fairly serious? You also have to try to
uphold the values that you want your children to follow in their lives. You
are a role model, and how you conduct yourself does make an impression on
In short, be smart
about what you are doing. Don’t leave yourself open to be taken advantage
of. Most of all, though, have fun and good luck in pursuing your romantic
Heather Jaillett is a
freelance writer from Washington State. After extensive dating she finally
found her soul mate. She still advises many on dating solutions, and is
constantly researching relationships and romance. Exploring ways to add
romance to electronic communication is also another pursuit she enjoys.
writes for DrDating – a web site for anyone looking for love online. We
have hundreds of articles, E-Books and links to some great dating and love
sites all over the world. DrDating also offers reviews of some of the most
popular dating sites and books.