It doesn’t matter how you got to be single in your mid-thirties. What
does matter, however, is that you have certain priorities in order so that you
can protect yourself and those you date from getting hurt. There are too many
reasons to list on why you’re on the market at this stage in your life, but
you should be clear on your goals, both long and short-term. You don’t want to
be led on or trapped into something you didn’t want in the first place.
The very first things you need to consider are your short and long-term
relationship goals. If you are a confirmed bachelor (or bachlorette) you
definitely don’t want to be dating someone who is determined to settle down
and start a family. Age is often tied to this as well. A twenty-something may be
looking for a good time or to tie the knot. While a boy toy or trophy can be fun
in the short-term, if you are looking for a serious relationship you may want to
look elsewhere.
There are a lot of things to consider when dating either above or below your age
bracket. If you fall for someone who is a lot younger, you may get hurt because
they can lack maturity that comes only from life experience. Twenty-somethings
are often still trying to figure out where they fit in, and are still forming
their goals. Another problem is children; they may or may not want them. If you
get really serious, as in any age bracket, you need to discuss each other’s
views on children.
On the other hand, if you date someone much older than you there are some
problems to be aware of as well. Older people tend to have already decided what
they want out of life, and generally are not too excited to change course. If
you really want to settle down, don’t go chasing after the man or woman who
has no intention of a long-term relationship. Also, there are certain generation
gaps that have to be considered. Your older lover may not appreciate going to
see your favorite rock group in concert. With consideration and understanding,
however, many obstacles of dating older and younger people can be overcome.
Another thing to consider is your financial position. Have you dedicated the
last ten years to getting ahead in your career and the rewards that come with
that? Are you willing to give up half of your money in a divorce? You will have
to decide what is important depending on the person you are dating. Even people
who aren’t married have had their lover run off with the bank account. Protect
yourself, and if necessary, seek the advice of an attorney before you propose or
accept a proposal.
Finally, if you have children you need to consider the type of people that are
entering your life. Do you want to bring any and all of your dates to meet them,
or are you going to wait for someone fairly serious? You also have to try to
uphold the values that you want your children to follow in their lives. You are
a role model, and how you conduct yourself does make an impression on your
children.
In short, be smart about what you are doing. Don’t leave yourself open to be
taken advantage of. Most of all, though, have fun and good luck in pursuing your
romantic endeavors.
Heather Jaillett is a freelance
writer from Washington State. After extensive dating she finally found her
soul mate. She still advises many on dating solutions, and is constantly
researching relationships and romance. Exploring ways to add romance to
electronic communication is also another pursuit she enjoys.
Heather Jaillett writes for DrDating – a
web site for anyone looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles,
E-Books and links to some great dating and love sites all over the world.
DrDating also offers reviews of some of the most popular dating sites and books.
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