"She behaves as if she was beautiful. Most American women do. It is the secret of their charm." – Oscar Wilde
I’m going to ask you a very important question and I want you to
take it seriously. What would you do different in your quest for a great
romantic life (including sizzling sex) if you looked exactly the way you wanted
to look? How differently would you behave if you woke up tomorrow morning and
looked in the mirror and you were not only totally happy with the reflection
that stared back at you, but when you looked down at your own body you were
absolutely thrilled with what your eyes beheld?
Don’t rush to answer. Take your time to ponder over it. In fact, take a full
twenty-four hours to realize just how differently you’d behave if you totally
accepted your own appearance and knew, just knew that the men you found
attractive (as well as many others) found you just as attractive as well.
Why am I asking you this? Because a vast majority of American women no longer
behave as Oscar observed above. The great writer, playwright, and wit lived in
an era when women of high society (whether they were born into it, or found a
way to climb their way to the top through marriage and associations with
powerful men) made not only the most of their appearance, but their
personalities as well by learning the amazing allure of killer charm.
Perhaps the last well-known great lady to know how to wield such a powerful
combination is the late Jacqueline Kennedy.
Sadly, we live in a time where most women spend more time obsessing over our
lack of “so called” perfection (constantly comparing ourselves to rail thin
Photo shopped models and actress) rather than getting out there and not only
enjoying ourselves but using what we’ve been granted well.
Pick up just about any book on how to be alluring to men, what men are looking
for, how to catch a mate, etc. etc. and time and time again (including here) men
will be quoted as saying they’re “drawn to women who like themselves, who know
how to have a good time, who know what they want sexually, who appreciate their
bodies…”
In other words men are drawn to women who accept they’re fabulous.
So what’s stopping you?
As I’ve stated above, and as you know from personal experience, it shouldn’t be
the competition because even the most stunning women are fierce in their
self-criticism. And you know what? Men find our endless self-criticism and
obsessing over our looks boring. Even the hottest guys (and I mean fashion model
hot) want a woman full of life and passion and interests more than they want
physical perfection – because the hottest guys know (just as models and
actresses know) hardly anyone is perfect, and perfect can get very boring very
quickly if there’s no personality going on with it.
So back to my original question, what would you do differently in your pursuit
of a hot love life if you accepted that you are just fine, in fact you’re just
great, as you are? I don’t even know you and I can still make some pretty good
guesses:
You’d smile far more often.
You’d enjoy just being alive. Since you wouldn’t be obsessed with why you
couldn’t meet the man of your dreams, you’d seek him out with an open heart.
You’d spent far less time being judgmental over the lives and appearances of
other people (especially women) and spent more time on your own real passions
and interests.
You wouldn’t go on dates, or sleep with men, out of desperation or the fear that
you’d never meet anyone else.
You’d dress up more, wear more colors, and dress to show off your assets rather
than to camouflage your perceived flaws.
You’d hone your flirtation skills to become a master flirt.
You’d really show up mentally on a date and be much easier to connect with
because you’d be present, rather than wondering if he found you attractive.
You’d know he found you attractive.
You’d be far more fun on dates, and in bed, because you’d be actively
participating instead of obsessing over the shininess of your nose, or the
cellulite on your thighs.
You’d accept compliments graciously because you’d accept them as true.
You’d let yourself go for the gusto – you wouldn’t see certain men out of your
league just because you felt they were more attractive than you were, too young,
too sophisticated, rich etc.
Sounds like an appealing way to live doesn’t it? So why don’t you try it? Just
for one weekend why don’t you challenge yourself to accept that you’re already
fabulous right here and now. Tell yourself that every time you begin to tear
your appearance apart you’ll stop and accept you’re great, your gorgeous, you’re
desirable now. And then go out and behave as if you are – and see what happens.
What will you do? Will you dine alone at a great café with a book because you’re
not afraid of being alone? Will you hold your head high, and be more curious
about the world and the possible adventures you can get into? Will you buy
yourself a sexy new dress and dance the night away with your gal pals?
If you take the challenge seriously you’ll find it doesn’t matter so much what
you do so long as you do it with the right attitude – that you’re fabulous (so
long as it means you’re not constantly hiding out at home). Once you accept that
you’re not only okay, you’re great, you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the
fascinating opportunities that come up to test you and see if you can own your
new fabulousness.
Ah yes, that’s the rub. It doesn’t work to accept you’re charm once and then go
back to your old ways. You’ve got to tend and maintain your charm just the way
you would a great new haircut. Are you ready? Your hot new love life is waiting…
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