We have all heard the wonderfully romantic stories of pen pals that wrote to each other for years without meeting because they lived hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Some friend of a friend set them up as pen pals or she decided to write to some unknown soldier away at war. They exchanged a few pictures and spent countless hours drafting letters back and forth, baring their hearts and souls to each other. Without ever dating, they fell in love. When one could eventually travel across the distance to finally meet the other, they both knew immediately that this was indeed the one they’d spend the rest of their life with. The physical attraction was every bit as strong as the emotional attraction they had felt for each other. It’s a classic story that’s existed as long as there’s been a postal system for delivering the letters between would be lovers.
Today we have an Internet version of the same thing. People go to these dating sites to find love. It seemed a bit weird at first like most things that are new and different, but eventually we became used to the idea. Is it really any different than meeting in any other manner? You still have to weed through the riffraff. You still have people presenting themselves as something other than what they really are. You still have crooks and cheats, predators. And you still have honest real folks looking for true love. You still have single parents worried that people won’t accept their kids as part of a package deal. You still have married folks looking for a way to cheat on their partners. The only real difference is how fast the system works. You can weed through a heck of a lot of less than desirable matches really fast and you don’t even have to waste time or money on dinner and movies, or on babysitters and a new dress.
It’s my hope that you would take your time with the ones who do seem promising. When you find a profile that seems interesting, don’t rush through the process. Sure, a lot of people say that the eyes are the windows to the soul and that you need to meet in person to get a real feel for each other. And there is a lot of truth to that. Ultimately you do have to meet in person to determine if there’s any type of chemistry between you or not. It’s not something that can be logically determined. You feel it or you don’t and you won’t know until you meet them face to face. But what about those old pen pal stories? They fell in love without it being about sexual attraction. When we meet face to face with someone that we are physically attracted to, it’s human nature to want to speed up the process so that we can get to the really good stuff! I’m thinking that if we took more time in the passing notes back and forth portion before actually meeting face to face, then we’d be more inclined to fall for the person inside rather than for the physical beauty that can be so blinding to the truth about people. We all know someone who’s been completely consumed by a hot passionate attraction for someone who was so incredibly wrong for them. It takes forever for them to open their eyes and see the sexy person for what they really are. Please don’t think that I’m saying that all good looking people are bad relationships waiting to happen. I just don’t want you to confuse sexual attraction with real intimacy.
If you’re just looking to get laid, then by all means disregard this article! It’s not written for you. If you’re looking to find that once in a lifetime incredible love, then why not take the extra time to do it right? Why not agree to write emails back and forth for a while before meeting in person? Chances are you’ve already seen their picture on the matchmaker’s web site. Make up fun questionnaires for each other to fill out. Ask them all sorts of interesting questions about themselves like ‘if you could invite four people to dinner regardless of what time in history they lived or died, who would it be and why?’ Ask them what their number one biggest regret is in life. Ask them what their number one most embarrassing moment in life is. Ask them what their number one best shining moment was. Ask them if they felt loved as a child. Ask them if they have felt loved as an adult. What is their next wild adventure in life going to be? Have fun really getting to know each other before you meet in person. Have a real bond based on more than the fact that you both like moonlit walks on the beach and want to someday have children. When you do finally meet, you won’t suffer those uncomfortable silences either, you’ll have shared laughs and have plenty to talk about. You’ll already be real friends.
So many people put in their profiles that they only want to meet people that are close to home, 50 miles, 100 miles, etc. Why not reach out across the globe. Why not find new pen pals to write to? Even if you never fall in love, you’ve gained a new friend and the experience of feeling connected to others. Who knows maybe your soulmate is just across the ocean. Perhaps they’re waiting for a note from you in their inbox. Perhaps you’ll become one of those wonderful love stories worth telling your grandchildren about. “Yep, your grandmother and I wrote back and forth for a year before I finally saved up enough money to fly over and meet her. And let me tell you, the first time I laid eyes on her I knew that she was the only one for me. She was well worth the wait!”
About the Author
Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas.